Copilots & Homies

Oh, chocolate. I remember when they first invented it. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it! Do you remember 1975? Great year, huh? There was the Watergate Scandal (oh, you bad boy Nixon). It was the year Spanish dictator Francisco Franco dies. Iron Maiden is formed (to all the fans). What a great time in our history. Just kidding, I really wouldn't know; I googled all this shit because, hell, I wasn't born until 20 years later. But I'm not just talking about 1975. No homie, I'm talkin' about The 1975. You know, the one with a singer and a guitar and a drum set. A more recent one. Is that jogging your memory? "Noooiicceeee"-every college frat douche. I'm sorry to all the frat dudes, that was uncalled for. But the it's kind of dark and the backspace button on my laptop is just too far for my sausage fingers. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. If ever you feel like you want to wallow in your pit of despair, whether you have been...

       Disclaimer: The following post may include spoilers for Daddy's Home. It's up to you to keep going or not. I'm not your keeper. So instead of staying home and having a relatively quiet Christmas evening with the family like everyone else is undoubtedly doing, we decided to hit up one of the few places still open, Cinepolis, and catch a movie. Now, I love Will Ferrell. As Buddy the Elf, as President Bush on SNL and especially as Brennan on Step Brothers. He can do no wrong. This is probably where you think, "Oh noooo. He did do wrong!". Well, no. He did right. Again. He's basically a pushover who just wants to be a Dad to his step-kids and all the progress he made has been successfully halted and backtracked with the arrival of Dusty (WTF where do people get these names from? And meanwhile, we're always cracking jokes about names like Laqueesha and Bon Qui Qui) the ex-husband and daddy extraordinaire portrayed by the annoyingly handsome Mar...

Fröhliches Weihnachten, Feliz Navidad, Manuia le Kerisimasi and Merry Christmas! This was it. Our last 2015 holiday as the year quickly wraps up. It was a week well spent with homies, friends and families alike, and one for the books. After a challenging week at work, I relaxed with the Sisterhood with some Chardonnay and Apple Cider (the home girl Titties is on her way to being our resident alcoholic, you go girl), dates (or prunes, we will never know) and walnuts, some cold pizza, a box of tacos (shout out to Kenny G for coming through), awesome gifts (homies Ah-nuh squared hooked everyone up with custom made mugs, so thank you), and though I missed catch-ups with the other homies, Amee, Bee and Dee were there to fill the void nonetheless, and a wonderful hostess that knows how to entertain (our future Martha Stewart-esque party planner: Queen D). And after receiving some kickass presents from the family, we enjoyed a very early Christmas dinner followed suit by a day out...

We are so lacking nowadays. All these talks about #squads and shit means nothing when your team is full of Michaels and Tobys. What we lack are little Dwight Schrutes in our circle of friendship. It's Winter break and I'm now on the third round of watching The Office and revelations and realizations are coming at me left and right. Who I found to be the most annoying character the first time I watched it back in, what 2010?, became absolute #goals for homies. And here's why: 1. He's of German descent. Er spricht Deutsch und das it's über sexy.  2. He's a man of nature. It is kill or be killed and you need someone in your #squad ready to throw down when shit goes down. Despite living on a goddamn beet farm, he is resourceful and comfortable about dealing with dead animals (I.e. Using the dead bird as a can opener).  3. He's gives great advice: "Just as you plant your seed into the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you." You need a #squad motiva...

Courtesy of Read Spirit    Yeah, another movie review. That's what I'm saying.  So today was my last day of finals and celebrations were in order, starting with a guilt-free Amazon video binge. And today I was lucky enough to stumble upon the gem that is The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared. I shit you not, that is the entire title. The synopsis said it was Sweden's most successful movie based on a novel of the same name by Jonas Jonasson. And in honor of my favorite Swede, Alexander Skarsgaard, I gave in. And it was not disappointing. It's got a heavy Forrest Gump vibe, in that the protagonist is involved in all these life defining situations that is unbelievable and yet, painstakingly hopeful as well. The plot revolves around the said 100 year old man, Allan, who bails the retirement home he was forced to live in after blowing up the fox who killed his beloved cat, Molotov, and his chicken. I know, it's great already, isn't ...

I'm fairly obsessed with all things German: the history, the culture and the language. And so when any WWII related film or show comes to my attention, I'm there. All the way. Especially if it's an alternative plot to the reality. So when I saw The Man in the High Castle on Amazon Prime, I was like, "Hol' up, hol' up. Hold. Up. Let me at this thing". And it did not disappoint. I spent all of my Saturday binge watching all of the ten measly episodes it had to proffer instead of working on my speech for this coming week. Because...you know, I'm a procrastinating college kid. MHC takes place in post-WWII world, a world that succumbed to Hitler's reign and encompassing the former eastern USA as Japan  rule over the west coast. So to cut it short, both sides are trying to obtain these realistic propaganda films (showing the A-bomb being dropped in Nagasaki, the American's victory, etc. You know, shit that really happened) made by some dude in a...

A fellow homie and I had a conversation a while back about how nice we were perceived and how we must have this face where people feel the need to confess or the invitation to spill some deep dark story from their past. It was amazing that so many people feel confident to just divulge any secret to us. I wouldn't even utter a word to my family if I was dying and here are people telling me shit, personal shit might I add, and have the audacity to end it off with, "I don't know, I just feel like I trust you so I'm gonna tell you something and you can't tell it to anyone else." Bitch, don't! I'm a fairly good secret keeper if I don't roll with your squad, because hell! Who am I gonna tell?Or if it doesn't have anything to do with my homies. But let me tell you, when you explicitly say "Don't tell anyone", I'm telling my homies. Because I am Scar. They probably don't even know you personally, but that's what homies do. W...

        I have a lot of obsessions: chocolate, carne asana fries, romantic comedies, Harry Potter, and cuss words (especially foreign ones, oh la la p). But of my most beloved infatuation is the reigning queen: HGTV, specifically House Hunters International. There's something about judging other people's choices in living arrangements (you're really going to pay $1100 a month for that ?!) that just warms my soul.  I mean, honestly, it's like you're traveling across the globe buying town houses in trendy neighborhoods and condos in the Virgin Islands and renovated churches in Normandy without the pain in actually forking out your cash. You can learn so much from this show, i.e. the importance of "entertainment space", open space, crown molding, hardwood floors, unobstructed view, LOCATION, the horror of popcorn ceilings and granite! Granite! Stainless steel! I can't walk into a home IRL now without updating and doing a complete renovation in my mind.  A...

By now the news of the Paris attacks have made the rounds across the globe and back. And by now we're all reminded of how we all seem to hate each other. Palestinians hate Jews, Jews hate Palestinians, the US hates the entire Middle East, ISIS hates the world, the entire world hates terrorists, Trump hates Mexicans, Mr. Kenny from next door hates Mr. and Mrs. Flores' dogs from across the street and we all hate Brussels sprouts. But, and here comes the inner hippie for some fresh night air, can we just pause the perpetuated cycle of hate, because look where that's got us: a 100+ dead civilians and eight dead terrorist. I don't think we know who is taking credit for the attacks, but for now, before the media starts plastering groups and faces all throughout their broadcasts, we should take a look at all the good that's been done these past 24 hours. There are reports of taxis shuttling people home free of charge. Hotel staff sheltering ter...

I've got problems. As do all living beings. Even the nonexistent ones reading this. They're not like Kardashian sized problems. Those are issues, not problems. The difference being problems are something fixable and able to overcome and not just mask behind disillusionments of the psyche, and especially the soul. Or Botox. But, fuck it, still #TeamKhloe. So a few of my problems came up during my trip from school to the place of where I reside. My home, yes. My first problem is, I believe, a familial characteristic that I need to, quickly, reign in: eaves dropping (or if you're at the same mental capacity as I, ease dropping). I don't mean to, honest. I had both earbuds on, full blast jamming out to James Bay, but it's like JB had purposely lowered his voice to a careless whisper to allow me to catch the tense conversation going on before me. Especially juicy tales with more drama in it than a TNT show. Or an MTV plot come to think of it. This kid was chatting up w...

Well technically, happy birthday me. Had a great birthday this year (Remember remember the fifth of November) and I just want to give a shoutout to all the homies who made it so. Mom and Cuzzies who got me delicious food and cupcakes from the Little Cakes shop. Everyone needs to try the Green Tea and Honey because that is magic. Shoutout to the homie Titty who made breakfast and dessert; although your chorizos were slightly burnt, I could still taste the love. Thanks to the homie Ah-nuh who knows me so well and though she was about 50 miles away, still seemed to be here. Thank you for my HP book; I will cherish each page so much so that by the end of the year I will recite it word for word. Thank you to homie Dal who stalked my Twitter feed and was my own personal Hagrid for the day. We will bake that apple pie one day. And thank you to all the well-wishers. Here's to another year!                 ...

Two more days and it's Halloween. Technically, less than 48 hours until the day of over-sexed Little Red Riding Hoods and Greek togas make an entrance on every college party across the continental US. Except at Bob Jones University. Maybe. I don't know.   Let the times of free bonbons commence!  And we are this much closer to Christmas. And you know what that means....MONTH LONG HARRY POTTER MARATHON ON ABC FAMILY!!! Oh, ja! We get to see him with Professor Quirrell and when Hagrid turns his whole world upside down with, "You're a wizard, Harry". We'll relive our first stroll down Diagonal Alley; we'll see Hermione when she had frizzy hair and Ron when he still had Scabbers and we'll revisit the life, and death, of Sirius and witness as Harry got into the TriWizard Tournament and see Viktor Krum, and Cedric (oh how my heart beats for pre-Edward Rob Pattinson) and meet Tom Marvolo Riddle and meet Draco and Snape and McGonagall and and and AND!!!  And ca...

I always thought that teacher was a dumbass; we would always find discrepancies in his tests, in his workings on the whiteboard, in his sense of style. But it wasn't until I took a Children's Studies and a Globalization class that I saw what he was getting at. Though his story was a bit...a bit something, he did have a point to it. Children are brave. Children are resilient. Children can go through a life filled with so much pain and injustice that some adults can't even handle. They are targets for child solders, sex slaves, victims and casualties of war and poverty, subjects to lives with so much lack in love, support and respect it is heart-breaking. My class, and myself, nearly crucified our poor teacher when he said babies were brave, more so than officers and marines and the Rock. Because babies are STUPID, therefore babies can't be brave. But isn't that just what bravery is? Being stupid enough to do something no one in their right mind would do? I always u...

~A conversation with a teacher some time ago and went something like this~ Teacher : Who is the bravest person on this planet? Class : WTF Teacher : C'mon. When you think of bravery, who come to mind? King Arthur? Who would do something you would never do? Class : [tentatively]"...police?" Teacher : No. Next. Class : Firefighters. FBI. Teacher : Seriously? Nope. Class :[conversation is gaining momentum]"President." "No idiot, Marines." "Nah, Steve-O. "Police officers?" "We already said that." "My dad." Teacher : Nope, nada, no, no, I don't know your dad so no. All wrong. Class : It's a trick question. Teachers are brave, right? For dealing with us? Teacher : Well...no. Class : [continues to pester with suggestions because it was either this pointless conversation or math] Teacher : All good guesses, but no. You know who really are the bravest people on this planet? Babies. [nonchalantly starts loo...

This has been such a glorious week, has it not? Despite my sinking grades, my complete lack of direction in life and my gloomy AF looking future, it has been a week of reawakening for my blasè playlists. Troye Sivan released his final video to complete his Blue Neighborhood trilogy with "TALK ME DOWN" as did Florence+Machine with part 6 (yasssss homie, SIX freakin' parts) of her Odyssey with "Delilah", both of which were so honest and rich and just goddamn sad (the latter I have to concur with one YouTuber's comment about it being a little American Horror story-ish). And to round off the Holy Trinity, Triple Threat, Three-Strike team, the Honourable Adele dropped her "Hello" single, which is now at 19+million in less that 24 hours. So excuse me as I board the feels bus because it's 1AM, my body is reacting to that large mocha frappe I had, I just finished pulling a paper about nuclear proliferation and it being a better method of mitigation tha...

                                             [Courtesy of Vortexeffect.com] Currently taking a liberal studies class about children and their environment. One topic we discussed were these special places. Of course, I thought that this meant MadTV Stewart's special place. Alas, that was not the case. Our study was pulled mainly from David Soebl's research of forts. To surmise, Soebl's conducted a study of children's so-called special places in two regions: the more advanced, and somewhat rural, Devon, England and the underdeveloped, remote Carriacou. What he found was that, despite the differences geographically, adolescents behaved similarly in regards that they all seemed to find these places within their comfort zone where they can, unsupervised, be children. And within that area, they essentially learn how to become adults. Children in England found shrubs, a cubby hole...

Prepare to have your soul revitalized this November 20th. The ever talented Lady Adele is making her comeback with a new album, 25. And today she released a music video for her track, "Hello". And it. Was. GLORIOUS. Nine hours after its upload and the views were 2 million and counting. So I'm just gonna go bust a nine hour shift, come home and check how that 2 mill will sky rocket to 20 mill. So enjoy your time now before Adele starts taking over your iTunes chart, your Spotify playlists, your local radio stations and everything else until she slowly but surely consumes your life and your very being. God Save the Queen!  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A

May contain spoilers. You have been warned. So don't come bitchin' to me bout how you weren't ready.  It's midterm season, which means instead of studying like any other motivated-to-succeed-and-overachieve college kid, I'm binge watching new shows. And I happened to stumble across a quirky one (shoutout to the homie, Amazon): Red Oaks. Set in the ritzy Red Oaks country club in Jersey, and led by the adorable Daniel, we follow his adventures during summer working as an assistant tennis coach. He's got the douche-y, and yet understandably so, club president Mr. Getty, to impress; his pothead turned Coke dealer best friend trying to win over the girl of his dreams; a closet lesbian mom and an overweight dad who is one kebab from keeling over and croaking; an amusing and get-rich-quick scheming boss; a straying inspiring model girlfriend enthralled by a dickhead Rolling Stones wannabe photographer, played by the perfectly creepy Josh Meyers (remember that MADTv foo...

We've made a trip from SoCal to chilly San Francisco for a funeral. Which means the car is packed with unnecessary shit and processed junk food: from textbooks and ideas that this mini vacation will actually inspire us to do any class readings to donuts and half eaten bags of Cheetos from the truck stop off the 101. And now, donning shorts, unwisely assuming that San Fran would be as so kind to mirror San Diego weathers, I am bravely weathering the cold. Anything less than the cool 70s I have been spoiled with is deemed freezing.  But this will not deter my experiencing what SF has to offer. And, of course, for paying my respects to a dear uncle.  Note: The above was written shortly after arriving in South San Francisco and since then, shit has happened. So the following is based on true events.  Three days. That was all it took to experience the joy in traveling and the horror in traveling with family. As my poor iPad is dying, I'll just list what happened instead. ...

I don't know if it's a motherly instinct or a nervous tick or a just an eagerness to be overly accommodating, but I noticed many Polys are guilty of this. The constant, "Are you doing okay; are your feet cramped; you sure they're not cramped; scoot your seat back so your legs don't cramp up; are your legs numb; go ahead and scoot back" all in the span of fifteen minutes. Or my favorite: "Do you want anything to eat" followed up by "Want a water? Some chips?" two minutes later, then a curious, "I've got gum. Oh, and a bag of sunflower seeds" proceeding the "If you don't want water, I've got Voss [-_-]" and hopefully ending there with a "I've got some pizza. Take a piece".  Polys are pros at this game. You cannot be any more sickeningly hospitable than Polynesians and, excuse the name dropping, I happen to know a hall of famer in the league: my mom. Love her to death, but road trips are the bane o...

We are all George Sandersons at one point in time. My tweet for the night. 

Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them are behind the lens, rewriting scripts, dating Gywenyth Paltrow. But all heroes nonetheless. So this is a shoutout to the greatest duo since Hall & Oates;  Sonny and Cher; Dre and Snoop: Riri and Drake: Brad Falchuck and Ryan Murphy.  These are magnanimous times as these two Saints have blessed us with Glee and then American Horror Story and now Scream Queens. Where we not all there singing along to "Don't Stop Believing" in '09? Where we not more than pleasantly surprised with Asylum's "The Name Game"? Or laughing at disbelief at a show that held a candle light vigil for a fallen frat member to the lulling rhymes of Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony's "Crossroads"? They have introduced us to the greatest characters in tv history, ones we lo pave to hate, others we hate to love, and everyone in between. We were blessed with the Virgin Mary in Sara Paulson. We have been anointed with the Holy Spirit by Evan Pet...

For the past four months my ears have been a slave to 2014 Forest Hills. More specifically, No Role Modelz. If you have not had the J.Cole experience, shame on you (fool me twice can't put the blame on you). I will patiently wait as you click on that little YouTube app, type in J. Cole and look at all the live shows. The hyped ones in London, the turnt (you cannot believe how long it took auto correct to leave this word alone and no, I don't mean turntable) crowd rapping back to him in Salt Lake City, the stories behind his songs, the way he says, "Put one finger in the air" and you find yourself doing the same while lying in bed. It. Is. Powerful. There are few songs that can just linger in your life without having you lose interest after the hundredth time on repeat. And No Role Modelz is an example as it is currently blasting in my earbuds for the 985th time as I'm tying. Four months, four different headphones, same playlist. And yet, every time that beat d...

  YouTube and I have a twisted relationship. I tell it to leave me be time and time again as I try to finish up my papers and study for finals or get some rest before work or just get out and live my life away from a computer screen, but alas, I keep turning back to it. And it welcomes me with open arms. Sometimes it takes me down the road with a bunch of Jimmy Kimmel/Fallon viral videos and other times it takes me to the dark side of the internet. Both of which I'm completely fine with. And I'm always learning something new, And this week I stumbled onto my latest craze: the Norwegian version of The Voice. So I'm pretty sure this season is over, but I just caught on and HOLY CRAP THESE CONTESTANTS ARE AMAZING!! I'm talking ALL of them should be Grammy-award winning artists in their own right. Pronto, And I am really rooting for the homie Filip Bernard to pull through because that fool has got it going on. That rendition of "Hey Ya"? Glorious. Check. It. Ou...

Dedicated to all the high maintenance human beings. You, good human, set the standards. ✌️ I didn't actually become broke until I had my first job with a steady income. When I was smooching off the Motherload, I didn't have money of my own to spend, let alone to become indebt. If I wanted to do something, it had better be free or I'd have to sign a petition, present the details of my case for how much I needed and what for to a court appointed judge (the she-wolf that is M.O.M.) and make an appeal when she'd rule: NO DEAL. The frugality was the way of life to paying rent on time, to putting food on the table and to putting clothes on thine back. And then I went and got a job.  It wasn't by any means a Fortune 500 company that paycheck, but it was enough to get the economic juices flowing. I began to contribute as full fledged capitalist-American consumer. We got cable, we got internet, we got cell phones with bills higher than Afroman. Our standards of livin...

Swapmeets were a huge staple in my childhood. This was where I got my school uniforms from every weekend for three years. This was where I got my clothes all the way to the eighth grade, come to think of it. While I was busy learning my ABC's, this was the spot my mom, aunt and grandma used to hold it down at until 2:20 pm, when I got out of the torture chambers that was school. This was where I first experienced the magic stick that is a churro. This was where I learned the value that anything could be bargained down because, let's face it, we're all trying to pay bills and every little bit helps. And this was the same place I learned that bargaining isn't always the best solution because five dollars off is five dollars short of a vendor's light bill or rent. So it was nice to relive the glory days. This place never fails to inspire me: from the vibrant colors, to the eclectic products and even to health tips.  And oh-so-cheap jewlery. Believe it or not...

An Ode to the old Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon: You. Complete. Me.  P.S. Fuck you, Disney. You had nothing on this shit. Recently I had to prepare for an upcoming speech. That's a sentence I will always come to hate to utter. Anyway, during my preparation I had to make those damned attention-getters/hooks/etc and I couldn't escape the draw to an episode of Dexter's Laboratory. So after getting lost in the infinite black-hole of YouTube and countless episodes later, I did some deep thinking about the staples of my childhood. And I came upon this question: was I fucking high?! The creators of my favorite 90's shows must have been tripping out on hallucinations to even imagine the stuff that made it on the network; my mom must've gotten a contact high from the shows to have let me watch the stuff in the first place; and holy shit I love both for being able to get away with it and giving me some damn good memories. Dexter's Lab : Dexter, the answer to the...

Holy macaroons. I can't remember the last time I devoured a book this quickly. It would've taken me only one day, but you see, the way my work schedule works out? It doesn't. So I had to wait nine more whole hours until I got home and relish the last few pages. Now Gayle Forman is relatively new to me; my first experience with her was with Just One Day and Just One Year (highly recommend! adventure, love, all-around-amazingness) and she shot up my Top Ten List, which is ridiculously exclusive, occupied by the likes of JK Rowling, Sarah Dessen and Jenny Han (these are THE homies). I like her writing style, her effortless ways of telling a story so good the book just lingers in your head days after you finished it, and just the overall adventures her characters take. I get jealous. Of characters. In a book. That's how you know you did a good job. When your readers want to meet a three headed dog and fly at 98 mph on an unsafe cleaning utensil or have a one night stan...

I've gained enough confidence to step into the kitchen again. I didn't want to sprain myself on my first day back, so I settled with something easy: strawberry shortcakes. Yasssss! And, if I do say so myself, they rivaled anything Bobby Flay would turn out. Maybe. Ingredients : 3 sliced strawberries                      packet of spongecake shells                      whipped cream                      sugar Das ist alle!Es schmeckt mir gut. Look. At. THAT SWEET THANG! Finishing touches Ain't she a beaut?

Hi, my name is __________, and I have a problem. *Hi,_______.* Thank you. It's nice to feel welcomed. Well, it all started when I was a unicorn. At first I thought I had it under control, but then my life spun into total chaos when I joined the Dark Lord's army and from that moment on, Edward never loved me the same again. Wait....whaaaaaaahhhh? Welcome to the land of Fanfiction, where crossovers and cross dressers are welcomed with open arms, no questions asked. If you're confused, then you're not a true believer in the magic of your fellow human being's imaginations. I would just like to make in knownst that though I am a recovering FF addict, worry not, for I will not relapse. I've gone about three years clean from the wretched hands of the likes of TypoKween and ocdmess. I have long accepted that endings of books and movies will stay that way. No matter how much the original sucked compared to the FF version. And the likelihood of a FF story being adap...